I've been "republished" !

that is, I've decided to do it again, and gave the agency the 'go ahead' to put my profile back on the egg donor database as 'available'. I'll let you know when i get chosen by an infertile couple.

to be continued...

normal cycle - finally

i started my period again a couple days ago. my last period, just before all the egg donation stuff started, was on november 8th. so they delayed my cycle almost 2 months. about 7 weeks or so. crazy.

but, uh, yeah. i feel normal.
I'd like to do it again, but i have some plans coming up, like finals, and holiday visits to family and that sort of thing. so i'd have to tell the agency about my 'blackout' dates, as they call them. but i'm not sure yet what they are. the agency wants to hear from me, to find out if i want to be put back on that database as a repeat donor or not. repeat donors get paid 10,000.00! i could sell my eggs to put a down payment on a house!

it would suck to get chosen right away when they put me back on the donor database, cause i wouldn't have enough time to drink alcohol and have sex with my husband before having to stop for a month again. i wouldn't even have time to get back on chemical birth control. that would suck.

so i think i'll wait until december or january to go back on the database. that way i can get all the marital fun and social gatherings out of my system. i dont even drink that much, but being able to have 2 beers with a friend wasn't allowed, so now i can do that.
also, i'd like to do a little cleanse before donating again. all the medication i put in my body has been filtered by my liver and the bonding agents to stabilize medication can be hard on the body sometimes. i'd like to clear any residual medication chemicals out of my temporary energy stores. maybe like a master cleanse for a week. or a liver cleanse. the liver cleanse would be beneficial. maybe i could master cleanse for a couple days, to break down my temporary stores, and then start the liver cleanse to finish. maybe prime my digestive with a water fast and psyllium husk flush or something. really scrub my inner gooies.

wow. i cant believe i got somebody pregnant. i mean, i CAN, it just still trips me out. i feel so powerful. it feels good to make a wanted child. i'm pretty sure i was a mistake. so were all the kids my friends have. i wish more people would actually plan to have a kid instead of accidentally have kids. I wish abortions were free for everybody all around the world. i really do.

tax question answered

i just received an email from my donor coordinator about the tax question. she says i wont get a 1099 form because its not considered income. It is considered pain and suffering payment. so its not taxed. yaaay!

my check came in the mail yesterday

it was for the remainder of the 8000. its 7250. now i just have to figure out what to do about taxes. i've heard conflicting advice. some states dont tax donor reimbursements. some agencies in california claim donor fees, and in that case i'd receive a 1099 come tax time. i've also read donor fees count as 'other income' and that donor fees are compensation and not taxable.

So i wrote an email to my agency to ask how they deal with the tax thing. and I'll ask my mother-in-law, she does taxes for a living.

I've finished the progesterone medicine. did i mention it tasted like minty postage stamps? gross. glad i'm done with that.

I thought i felt some natural menstrual cramping this morning. hopefully i'll have my cycle soon, so i can be back to normal.

the egg donor agency set up a phone interview with me next week to ask me about how the donation went and find out if i want stay listed as a repeat donor on their website.

its been more than 5 days, i'm gonna contact the fertility clinic to see if my eggy weggies are fertile.

i just looked at my youtube instructional videos about preparing the fertility drugs, and most of my 300 views are from china!! thats cool. the egg donor channel i created for that is called squashflowers. but all the videos are in this blog somewhere.

recap

overall i would do it again.

i wouldn't do it during a school semester, cause in the last week and a half i didn't get ANY school work done, and i had to miss 2 weeks of classes for the ultrasound appointments. i'm behind on classwork and a little stressed out about my grades. i'll pass, but i'm not getting the most out of what i signed up for...

the worst part by far was the Menopur injections. the constant shots in the belly for a week with that big needle really bugged me. the stomach is so sensitive, and the pharmaceutical company doesn't recommend that you inject it anywhere else but there. so you have to alternate different sides of the belly button. ouchy. the needle was the largest out of all the shots you have to deal with for the egg donation process. menopur sucks. not at first - it takes a week to feel the full glory of it's suckiness - but it begins to hurt worse towards the end.

the HCG shot was no big deal. i really wanted to fail a pregnancy test, but i didn't get around to it. too late now. maybe next time?

the abstinence thing is hard. if you're not in a close relationship, then you will have it easier than us married folks. i think its making me crazy. i still have to wait until my cycle starts again before resuming a normal, healthy sex life.

i would want to have a child for myself before doing this a third time, because i'd be afraid of the heightened risk of ovarian cancer and health problems down the line with the drugs. but the catch there is, that by the time i'll be able to have kids in my life, i'll just pass the age requirements for egg donation. they only want your eggs when you're in your reproductive prime. thats all well, cause i would have served my time in helping other women.

i understand why they pay more for repeat donors. they probably scare a lot of people off.

DEEP THOUGHTS:
egg donation is no career path, but its a really nice thing to do, and it makes sense at an instinctual level. i've already spread my genes. my cavewoman psyche can die in peace when the time comes. i've even given my genes to a family richer than I, therefor practically ensuring the survival of those genes. its modern survival of the fittest. natural selection. if a world-wide catastrophe hits - like a comet, or nuclear war, or famine - its more likely a richer family would escape and survive the disaster because of they have more resources. right?

the retrieval

my appointment for retrieval was this morning.

i love anesthesia. best invention in modern science. besides cloning and all that...

so i checked in, changed into that silly gown thing. they gave me socks to wear, and put my stuff in a bag to set aside.
nurse took my vitals.
anesthesiologist came in, asked me my weight, put an IV saline drip in a vein in my hand, and injected some stuff into the tubing behind me. i started to feel a little buzzed. they took my vitals again. blood pressure, temperature, etc. then they walked me with my IV on a rack into the room with all the cool machines. by this time i was feeling a little disoriented and drunk. they helped me position myself on the table while they prepped the ultrasound machine and all that stuff. the anesthesiologist put more meds into my IV drip. i felt sleepy, they put the oxygen mask over my face, and the pulse and oxygen reader on my finger, and the doctor came in, and sat down, and thats the last thing i remember.

i heard the anesthesiologist's voice call my name a couple times, and i awoke on a bed in the recovery room. there was a big screen television with news. it was 20 - 30 minutes later. i was a little disorientated, but eventually i came to. i still had my IV drip, it was almost empty. i felt good. and then 10 minutes later i became aware of some cramping - like moderate menstrual cramping. the nurse let me know that was normal, and she offered me tylenol. i took it graciously. they took my vitals and went over recovery forms. they made sure i could use the restroom normally before letting me go with my ride home. they said there may be spotting. I havent had any. i feel crampy, though. my belly finally feels normal again. i can push on my ovary areas without pressure again. its nice to have my body back to normal.

the progesterone lozenges are supposed to taste like mint, but after suckin on one of those for 5 minutes, my mouth tasted like i'd been licking envelopes for hours. nasty. i have to take those for 5 days to convince my body to have it's cycle again. once i have my period, i can have sex again. yaaay! happy ending!

the shot made my butt hurt

in the middle of the night i remember rolling over onto the side where the shot was, and waking up cause its too sore to lean on.
this morning was the same. the whole hip and butt were sore.

feels better now. i dont notice it anymore, unless i lean on it.

i had a brief wave of nausea around noon. and i feel a headache coming on too. so i'm drinking lots of water.

i'm all ready to go to the hotel room. we're leaving in a bit. i'm not allowed to eat after midnight. and i have to wear loose fitting clothing, and no scented lotions for the extraction. its early in the morning, so i dont even get to eat breakfast.

if they have free continental breakfast at the hotel, i'm going to grab what i can and eat it after my procedure.

i remembered to pack my progesterone medicine. not an injectable thank god! they help regulate my cycle again. i have to take one tomorrow evening, and for the next 6? days.

TRIGGER SHOT!!!

oh my god i did it! i was so hyped up on adrenaline! you know how scary this thing looked??? heres a picture of the needle with the amount of medication i had to inject - it was so scary! and then the needle went in really easily and it didn't hurt at all.

so now i feel like a big wuss.

but MAN just look at how big that f**ker is!!! i cant believe that hurt less than the belly shots!
must be cause the skin is really tough on the butt-thigh. crazy. man, i was so nervous. i feel fine now. i feel a little adrenaline leaving my body.

so i just put a 1 cc bubble of Human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) into my upper outer thigh muscle. hcg is a hormone made by the embryo and, later, in the placenta to prevent menstruation in a normal pregnancy. most pregnancy tests are actually just HCG pee tests. so in this case, they've just made my body think it just got pregnant. so i'd naturally start producing progesterone. and my uterine lining would thicken and all my womanly parts should be getting ready for that egg to make its way from my ovaries/fallopian tubes to the uterus. its an idea time to retrieve the eggs. cause chemical changes in my body would make the eggs more receptive to pregnancy.

i kinda want to take a pregnancy test now. that would be really funny. i could fool some people. hmmmm.... now i'm ACTUALLY considering it!! that would be an expensive joke, though. those things aren't cheap.

Wiki says hcg has been linked to morning sickness. i hope i dont feel nauseous. that would suck. According to the FDA website, i may suffer side effects of headache, irritability, restlessness, depression, fatigue, pain at site of injection, and, worst case scenario: shortness of breath and ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. all i have to do now is relax, and wait for tomorrow. I love hotel rooms.

2nd ultrasound

i got an ultrasound print for you guys - its of my left nut. my female left nut. 

the bubble like voids are the egg follicles filled with fluid and 1 egg. this happens every month, but only 1 of the several released gets matured this way. you can see parts of all 7 eggy weggies. arent they cute?

i think its funny that i'm going to get somebody pregnant. i never thought i'd end up getting somebody pregnant. thats usually something guys do.

i also wanted to show you a picture of all the medication i was required to take over the 7 day stimulation period. they're all out on the table. looks like a lot of stuff. lots of waste. filled up the trash can with stupid plastic caps and wrappers.

and the next one is a picture of my bruised and red dotted belly from the stimulation shots. they're going away now, but it looks gross. dont do egg donation during beach season, or everybody will think you got beat in the belly with a pole or something.

anyway, the eggs are all mature and ready now, at 13 - 16 mm. crazy they grew that fast in 2 days. i definitely feel more pressure on my bladder today than i did yesterday. but my belly hasn't grown. 

i've heard a bunch of stories online about how people get all fat in the gut, during egg donation, and their pants dont fit. i think people may have made that up. i know every body is different, but i haven't had any discomfort aside from giving myself the shots (and any diabetic knows thats not a big deal if you're used to it), i really dont understand how your belly could bulge out like you were in early pregnancy. 

seems like if that happened, you might have hyper-stimulation of the ovaries, or one of those other disorders that could go wrong with the medication, or parasites or something. 

maybe these people are already fat, and need something to blame for the chub? or maybe they have really really weak stomach muscles, and they're pushing out further than natural because of the bladder or something?

 if i have 16 eggs each at about 13 millimeters, thats a combinedsurface area increase of 21 centimeters squared. is that right? so my ovaries are estimated to be about the size of small avocados. and i can tell they're taking up  surface area of my bladder... you really cant see any difference in my belly size. and i've got 16 huge eggs inside my abdomen! seems like if you have a skinny belly to begin with you should be able to tell a difference more than a chubby one...  I notice that i cannot suck in  past my hip bones anymore. i used to be able to suck in so my abdomen was concave (it looked gross, i could also push out my abdomen so i looked pregnant. i've used that one as a party trick), and now when i try to suck in the gut, it only goes as far as the hip bones, and cannot contract any further. but aside from that - you wouldn't be able to tell. i look normal. 

i no longer have to take the lupron, follistim, or menopur. tonight, in an hour, i have to take a gonadotropin shot. its intramuscular, in the outer butt muscle. 1 cc.  This shot has to be done at exactly 730 or else the timing wont be right for the extraction. i'm counting down the time anxiously. my last shot. sounds wonderful. 

I have to check in for my appointment at 7am, and the extraction has to start at 730, 48 hours after the gonadotropin shot.  so this is what all the fuss was about. this is the money shot.

7am is too early to catch a train, so i have a couple options: take a midnight bus, take a early plane, rent a car and drive, or take a train up the night before and spend the night by the fertility center in a hotel, and go from there. all options would be reimbursed. i decided to go up early and relax in the hotel, so i'm not rushing or losing sleep. its like an 8 hr commute each day i have an appointment. i need some sleep. and i'm not very hungry (medication side effect), so its a lot easier to eat well when i'm not on a train, subway, bus or whatever.

its almost over

and i'm glad. i'm sick of this abstinence nonsense. and all the injections are so annoying. and not being able to enjoy a glass of wine is also annoying. a friend gave us a bottle of wine, and i cant even drink it with dinner.

i have my last ultrasound tomorrow. and my extraction the day after the day after tomorrow.

i wonder how much the last shot will hurt? its a bigger needle, and a muscular shot. 

somebody is supposed to come with me for the extraction - to take me home cause i'll be groggy from the anesthesia. 

ultrasound results

i had my ultrasound this morning

the eggs are in a bubble of fluid in each follicle of my ovaries. i had 17 potential follicles. at my last ultrasound, the doctor looked at each of my ovaries and counted 17. out of the 17 potential follicles, 16 eggs had grown.

 7 on my left, 9 on my right. the sizes of the egg fluid bubbles varied a lot, between 6 and 13 millimeters in diameter.

the first thing the doctor saw with the ultrasound machine was my full bladder. i had gone pee just before walking into the office. that happened at the last ultrasound also. i think i just always have a full bladder.

the egg follicles looked pretty cool on the screen. my ovaries are about the size of small avocados right now. that explains the heaviness i feel down there. its a new feeling. i wouldn't dare do jumping jacks right now, cause id be afraid to hurt my ovaries or something. that would feel uncomfortable. like having huge mammaries and jumping up and down. thats the only side effect to report. i feel good. DA da DA da DA da DA like i knew that i would now DA da DA da DA da DA i feeeeeeeeeel nice

anyway, it took me longer to get undressed from the waist down than it did for the doctor to come in, take ultrasound pictures, count and measure eggs, let me know everything was running smoothly and my body was reacting well to the meds, and leave the room. i was like, whoa, that was fast. 

its monday today. the nurse told me i'd come in for another ultrasound on wednesday, and i'm to keep taking the same injections for the next couple days, and my extraction date would be friday, saturday at the latest.

i had to do my shot at work today

it felt very awkward. i brought my meds and syringes in an insulated lunch box thing with a cold pack, and did my shots in the bathroom a few minutes ago. it felt kinda naughty to be giving myself injections in a bathroom. its not the most sanitary place. 

I sanitized a surface with alcohol and lay down a couple paper towels, and prepped my needles on that. 

i'm finally getting the hang of it i think. i'm getting the hang of using the Q-cap to get the liquid to the menopur powder vial. and i'm now a master bubble flicker. no bubbles survive in my syringes. i flick 'em out like a pro.

the injections themselves were easy, mostly painless (except for the lupron - i wiggled the needle a little on that one on accident while it was in the skin), and bloodless. so overall i think i did good. the agency gave me bandages to use, but i dont really need them. except i needed them for the shots the other day... was that yesterday? yeah.

the follistim pen functioned smoothly also. you dont even have to press that hard, i dont know why i couldn't get it to work before. i think i was just terrified to press at all.

side effects report: i feel bloated. and things keep happening in my ovarian area. its like a party down there. theres movement that sometimes feels like cramping without the pain. just like i said yesterday - awareness of something happening down there. crazy. the doctor said that each follicle would swell with fluid about the size of a grape. so if all 17 of my follicles are working, then i'll have 2 small bunches on each side of my uterus. 2 bunches with 8 or 9 grapes on each side filling up space. that would explain the bloating. 

have you ever cut open a frog in biology class and seen the fatty deposits on either side of the stomach? thats how i think i'm going to feel by next week.

i feel good and energetic. i'm not emotional or depressed or any of that. i feel emotionally totally normal. maybe even more energetic than normal? 

i'm not allowed to exercise too much. so i walk up hills instead of the usual biking them.

i talked to my case coordinator, she said if my ultrasounds on monday and wednesday look normal, then my expected extraction date would be the following friday, saturday, or sunday. i'll know for sure when they see my ultrasounds and check my blood. but thats less than a week from now, so i'm excited and kinda surprised this is coming up so fast.

that would mean i'd have to give myself the 'trigger shot' on thursday or around there. the trigger shot is a hormone that tells my body to ovulate at a specific time. i'd have to give myself the shot exactly within a certain time away from the extraction procedure. that needle is bigger. and somebody else has to give it to me, and its in my butt, if i remember correctly. so, to recap, 

"somebody else has to give it to me in my butt". yeah. THATS what i meant to say.