they're still screening surrogates

i've completed my screenings. legal, medical, psyche. the fertility doctor asked me to notify them when i got my period, and then they put me on birth control pills to keep my cycle regular until they find a surrogate. I received an email from my case coordinator that they found a surrogate they like, she's completed the screenings, but it will take 2 weeks to get the results back for her tests. once the results come back they can chose her if they want and get the process started. finally.

then they'll want to find out where she is in her cycle, and they'll sync me up with her cycle. this process isn't as exciting for me as it was the first 2 times. now it feels like no biggie. i'll take some shots and then they'll put me to sleep and retrieve the eggyweggies. and then i'll buy a house. and 18 years later some very familiar looking kids will maybe find me? and we'll catch up. or they'll ask me for money or something. and i'll tell them to get a job.

third donation update

since last month, i went to my medical rescreen and saw my uterus for the first time. i usually have to pee when i do an ultrasound, but this time my bladder wasn't in the way. and both of my ovaries looked really cool. the doctor said it all looks healthy, no cysts. and my medical clearance should come soon.

i did the phone interview with a lawyer about the egg donor contract. i will not try to contact or steal the child - blah blah blah... i faxed it to the office, and i still need to mail the envelope. i'm waiting until i go to the post office so that i can get a receipt and get reimbursed for my postage. since the contract is like 20 pages and they want me to mail 2 signed copies to them. thats kinda a heavy thing. that will be my legal clearance.

i already got my psychological clearance.

when i went for my medical rescreen they gave me birth control pills and told me to call them when my period starts. i called them already. it started yesterday. they started to give me zovia, but i requested femcon fe because i liked it better. so i got femcon fe.
so now i'm going to begin taking the birth control pills and wait until they figure out a medication calendar for me and the surrogate.

my last donation was only july. so i have to wait until at least mid october for the extraction surgery. looks like we're timing it correctly.

my cycle in august was like 35 days long! i kept thinking, damn aren't i supposed to have my period? and then i was like, shit, i hope i didnt' impregnate any of those leftover eggs the doctor didn't get! that would suck.
i looked on my profile to see how the extraction went. they only took out 10, but they fertilized 6 or 7. thats pretty good as far as the ones that got fertilized, but i thought i had way more eggs than 10. so they didn't get all of them. i also felt like i was hyper ovulating throughout the past couple months. i feel healthy.

this is gonna be my last donation, unless my single gay baby daddy wants a genetic sibling, cause it destroys my sex life. its not worth $10,000.00 to be abstinent. its just not healthy.

psyche re-screen for 3rd donation

i went into the office to retake the 'are you crazy' computer test. according to some law, the records need to be updated every year. so instead of doing the psyche interview over the phone like last time, i had to go to the office in person and take the 50 minute test. i loved it. the questions are so funny. questions like: I hear voices other people dont hear. Somebody is out to get me for sure. My father is (was) a bad person. I wish i weren't bothered by sexual thoughts.

Its a true false quiz. and some of the questions are a little tricky: Have you ever not not had a strong fear for an inanimate object?

the next step is to speak with a psychologist over the phone about my answers to the quiz, and how i felt about the last donations and all that normal psyche re-screen stuff. i'm waiting to hear back from her. I sent an email to my case coordinator to let him know i took the psyche rescreen computer quiz.

i requested a copy of the psyche test results from last year, i want to compare the results from last time and this time. according to the person at the office, people's results dont really vary much.
I also requested a copy of my otis-gamma IQ test for MENSA. i dont know if i want to fork out $50 a year just to have a MENSA card. but it would be funny to have. I really wanted to see which questions i answered incorrectly. But aside from MENSA theres a couple other high IQ societies i qualify for, those would be cool to join just for fun.

reimbursement issue resolved

i received my check for the reimbursements today. $576. they got everything correct, i got $128 per trip i drove to the appointments and back for the mileage. so everything worked out. i have been fully reimbursed. one month and 9 days later.

great links

here are a few links for general egg donation process questions:

http://www.americanfertility.com/services/eggdonor-donor.php

http://www.asrm.org/Patients/topics/eggdonation.html

http://health.howstuffworks.com/egg-donation.htm

those are really good informational websites for egg donation questions.

here are a few for lupron questions:

http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2009/019943s029,020011s036lbl.pdf

http://movingmountainsforkids.com/precociouspuberty.asp

http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/hormones/a/lupron.htm

http://coe.ucsf.edu/fibroids/bg_treatment.html

It has been almost a whole month since my second donation. I felt a little funny in my right ovary around ovulation time (just before and during spinnbarkheit). almost crampy. It seems like the sensations were ovulation sensations, and they were more intense because of the healing process, or maybe that was just some healing stuff going on. or something.

i finally heard back about the reimbursements. they need prescription labels for the zovia pills i bought. when i sent in the form, I included the receipts from the store, the information booklet, and a printout from my credit card with the same info. but that wasn't enough. they sent my case coordinator a message that i needed to further prove that i bought those items by going to the pharmacy and getting a printout of the labels. So i went to the pharmacy and got the informational booklet printed out again, and a form that showed the medication and the fertility doctor's name and all that. hopefully that will be enough. the pharmacist said she couldn't print up the labels for the first purchase because it was made at a pharmacy in los angeles. if i have to go to los angeles to get a reprint of the zovia labels to prove to them i bought the zovia, i'm going to make them pay for the gas.

another thing that made me upset about the reimbursements: they say they're only going to cover $100 for the car rental. My car rental bill came out to $112 after taxes and everything. and then i had to put gas in the tank to even get up to los angeles, because they gave me the car rental with an empty tank (naturally) so i paid about $40 for gas. the agency says they cap their reimbursements for car rental at $100 and they cannot reimburse above that, and i'm wondering, who the hell can get a car rental to go 240 miles for under $100 after taxes and insurance AND gas?? thats not at all reasonable. so i'm going through a slow moving bureaucratic process to get properly reimbursed for the damn rental car. i just called around to several rental car places in my area to get quotes to send to the agency. i'll keep you updated.

its been over 2 weeks since

the extraction date. my period came just fine. it was healthy and average. not like the scanty spotty nonsense i had the past several months. it actually felt pretty good to have a normal cycle. my husband and I attempted sex, and at first it felt good, but then after a little bit, it felt a little tender and crampy, and we stopped. and then i felt a little emotional and depressed for a couple days.
after my cycle was completely over, like a half a week later, we tried again (gently) and it felt okay. and then we tried a third time a few days later and it felt good. so i feel better about myself now that my vagina works again. the tenderness has all gone away. no more nipple or breast tenderness. i can work out and get all sweaty without discomfort.
abstinence is really hard on a marriage.

i almost didn't donate a second time because of the affect the 1st donation had on my marriage. but then they called and told me a single gay man wanted a baby, and i support the gay community whole heartedly. i really really wanted to donate to a gay man. so i chose to donate the 2nd time. it feels really good to give like that.

So a week ago, the agency called me asking if i wanted to donate again, or how much time I wanted off. at first i told them 6 months to think about it. and then i decided, maybe only if another gay person wants a baby - i'll only donate to gay people.

and then i was contemplating the entire process, and its really not so bad. the hardest part is the abstinence. and the emotional disconnect that happens to a marriage when you take away healthy intimacy.

I did some research into the health effects on a donor. some studies have shown that long term repeat egg donors can go through menopause earlier, contract ovarian cancer, have fertility issues. Those are the most predominant risks. I'm not worried about those things as much. I welcome an early menopause. My diet is predominantly alkaline, and wont likely grow cancer. and worst case scenario, i adopt instead of conceiving my own baby. That wouldn't bum me out so much. the tiny bruises on my belly and thigh have long since healed. the one injection in the upper thigh was a blood vessel. or so says a friend who used to be a junky. she told me i probably tried to inject the medication in a blood vessel or capillary or whatever, and it burst it open and i had a little blood pocket bruise thing that took forever to go away. I need to remember to put pressure on the plunger and pull back a tiny bit, so see if theres blood in there. they told me to do that, but i didn't always do that.

i found a good website http://www.asrm.org/ its the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. they set guidelines for egg donors as far as how often they donate, and the IVF fertility hormones they can use and stuff. they have a list of egg donor agencies that abide by these guidelines. my agency is on the list: http://www.asrm.org/Patients/eggdonor_agencies.pdf

But the biggest news: I got a call today, from the agency. The intended parents from the first donation want a sibling. they asked if i was willing to donate again to give them a sibling. they want it from the same genetic mother. And i know I was thinking about only donating to gay intended parents, but I think this is the one exception i didn't think about.
they told me in the beginning that some infertile couples get donations, have the children and then want donations again from the same donor for siblings. So this isn't a huge surprise for me. The baby has been born, and they're all high on the new parent happy cloud. I kind of share their glee. I want to give them a sibling. I told them yes.

So i'm donating again. the donation wouldn't be happening until the holidays. they give at least 6 months in between. it takes time to find a surrogate, and arrange all the paperwork and screenings and stuff. That will give me plenty of time to drink alcohol and enjoy my intimacy.

last progesterone lozenge

i know i was really complaining about the flavor of these earlier, but i swear i was almost craving one of these lozenges after i got off work. and now as i'm sucking on the last bitter yellow square of progesterone goodness, i'm a little bummed this will be my last.

so i still feel a little bloated. but it feels more pms bloaty.

i learned a couple things the past few days healing.
after egg donor extraction:
1. dont attempt pilates
2. dont attempt clitoral orgasms
i'm not sure how long i should wait for these things, probably the 2 weeks they estimate for intercourse.

the past couple days there was still some tenderness going on deep inside.
my breasts feel bigger and are still sensitive (especially nipples). not in a good way either. its not as bad as when i first injected the HCG. its going away.
the past few days, i wasn't as excited about making myself food as usual. my stomach would growl and grumble loudly, but i was too lazy to do anything about it so i'd eat out more than normal. now i haven't heard my stomach growl for a while, and i was excited about making myself food today. so thats good i guess.

I mailed in my reimbursements form for all the things i put on my credit card (amtrak tickets, meals, gas, bus fare, birth control pills, rent-a-car, etc) they added up to about 400 bucks. so i should be getting a check for those within the week.

i also received the rest of my payment in the form of a final check today $9250.00 i'm not touching any of it this time.

extraction

i drove to los angeles at night to avoid traffic. got to the beverly hilton. checked in. the room was huge! there was a flat screen television and the entire wall of one side of the room was a window with huge curtains. there was a sofa and a couple tables and stuff. nice room. $200 a night. the lobby itself was really fancy pants. the entire place just screamed "we have too much money"

i wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight, so i rushed to order food. got a couple of salads. cost $40. for 2 salads. it came with bread and butter on a table with a vase and orchid. the salad kinda sucked. total rip off. for $20 each.

then we tried to check our email, and internet wasn't free. it cost $50 for 24 hours of internet... there is free internet pretty much everywhere else in the world expect for this stupid hotel. that was kinda shocking. and then i took a bath, and the soap smelled like a solid bar of cologne. it was sooooo gross. i'd feel a little more comfortable in a motel 6. with free internet mild soaps and cheap food. lesson learned.

got up super early to drive down the street to the appointment. when i got there they put me in the patient waiting room. gave me a bag labeled "patient belongings" told me to change into the open in the back gown, putting all my stuff in the sealable bag. they gave me socks to wear. socks with traction. i love those socks. so i changed and then sat on the hospital bed thing in my gown tied closed in the back. the nurse told me to get comfortable. and she turned on the flat screen television hanging from the wall. news about michael jackson's family and the funeral procession.
the nurse gave me a sturdy denim blanket and kinda tucked me in, took my blood pressure and heart rate with that machine they clip on a finger that somehow knows your blood's oxygen level too. asked me when i ate last and when i gave myself the trigger shot. then left me alone with the michael jackson news.

a couple doctors began arriving for work and passed me walking through to the IVF lab. smiled and said hello with their coffee in hand. then the anesthesiologist arrived. greeted me and looked at my paperwork and set up a saline solution IV drip thing, putting a flexible needle in my vein on my left hand. taped it really really well onto my hand.
i never feel at ease until they tape it securely like that. but he did a very good job. it felt cold when he finally got it going. he didn't put anything in the IV yet. just set it up. then i waited there for a while. maybe 5 minutes. he came back and messed with the IV thing. maybe put something in there? i remember last donation, they put a drug in the IV before walking me to the operation room. maybe he did that. i didn't see him though. i was too busy with the michael jackson memorial news on the television. i loved michael jackson growing up. he was my david bowie.

a couple more people arrived and began arranging things in the operation room. the surgery was supposed to begin at 7:30 on the dot. i noticed a clock in the room said about 7: 25.
then a nurse helped walk with me into the operation room. she wheeled the IV behind me as i walked. there was a bed next to the ultrasound machine. instead of stirrups, there were knee rests. she helped me onto the bed and undid my ties to my gown so i could lie down on the bed without lying on knots. i was completely careless. not at all embarrassed about my nakedness under the gown. she pulled the gown out of the way, so it was more like a blanket with armholes than a gown.

i scooted down as to her directions, until i was in the right spot. and she put my knees in the stirrups. and strapped them there with a velcro tie thing. as she was doing that the anesthesiologist asked me how much i weighed, i responded, to which he began pushing an entire syringe full of some drug into my IV. i started to feel a little disoriented, so i lay back down and the anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask over my nose and put 3 sticky things on my chest to read my EKG i guess. then the pulse rate monitor and blood oxygen level monitor went on my finger and began beeping with me.

the fertility doctor arrived and put on the gloves and started up the ultrasound machine, there was my ultrasound guided needle that would suck the eggs out with the juice in the follicles, it was already out of the autoclaved bag and attached to the ultrasound wand. the bag wrapper had my name on it on a tray of gloves and tools next to the doctor's stool between my legs.
The doctor turned on the light and directed it towards my crotch, ready to begin the procedure, there was a point where i feared the anesthesiologist wasn't doing a good enough job, because i think last time i had passed out by now. So i thought about saying something to let them know i was still conscious, but i decided that would sound alarmist and stupid. so i began actively, but casually, looking around the room. i decided that would make it obvious that i was alert in case they thought otherwise.

i became aware of a conversation going on across the room between the nurses and the doctor, they were looking at a chart on the wall and discussing whether it was 15 or 16 follicles, and the doctor was asking them 16? and i raised my head and asked,

"is that how many follicles i have ready?" and he looked at me and asked,

"how many follicles did they say you had?" and i thought about the 2nd ultrasound and responded,

"i think she said 8 on one side and 6 or 7 on the other??" and he said,

"hmmm. i thought you had more that that."
I found that conversation strange. and comical. i mean, i was talking to this doctor between my legs and the doctor has the mask on and a light on my vaj. it was almost a monty python scene. or maybe it wasn't that weird, maybe i was just feeling high.

so i made a face that said, 'we will find out i guess' as i put my head back down i really started to feel drugged and weird. out of the corner of my eye i noticed the anesthesiologist put another bit of something in the IV. i decided to relax and let things happen, in a sense, thats when i surrendered any attempts to stay alert. i lay back and lazily stared at the hot air balloon mobile they had hanging from the ceiling. i just enjoyed the sensations i was feeling from the drugs. i remember thinking how appropriate that mobile was. light. airy. looks like how anesthesia feels. flying. floating to some distant land while some fertility doctor puts a sucking needle through your vagina and into each of your swollen ovaries. thats the last part i remember about the operating room.

while i was under they had drained the fluid of each follicle. in the center of each follicle somewhere in the fluid was a ripe egg ready for fertilization. so after draining the eggs out, they would put the liquid under microscopes and find the eggs and isolate each one into different test tubes. this was all happening in the next room. the IVF lab. i dont know how long they wait until attempting to fertilize the eggs. there was nobody else in the office. so i didn't see the surrogate or the intended father.
they had also carried my unconscious body off of the operating table and transferred me to the hospital bed they wheeled into the room. then when they got me positioned correctly, they wheeled me back to the patient waiting room with my IV still attached and dripping saline solution into my hand vein.

i awoke and a nurse offered me cold apple juice. i drank it from the plastic bottle she held to my lips, i said thank you. it had only been about 15-20 minutes. i was drowsy. i noticed the news was still on with michael jackson's funeral procession. some jerky jerk helicopter was following the procession to the funeral, and there were interview clips with the mother of his children and a bunch of nonsense i wasn't fully aware of yet. the nurse was watching with great interest. as she took my blood pressure and sort of multitasked. i asked how many follicles i ended up having, the nurse didn't know, she said, they're figuring that out now. but i think she thought i meant eggs. or maybe i said eggs... they would have known how many follicles i had as soon as they looked with the ultrasound machine. the nurse asked if i had cramps. i hadn't even fully thought about how my body felt until that moment, then i thought about the cramps i might have, and there they were. so i said yes, she offered me 1 or 2 tylenol. i asked for 1 please. then they gave me the tylenol, and more apple juice. and they let my husband come in and hang out with me. he seemed amused by my loopy appearance.

the nurse put that finger oxygen pulse reader thing on again. i saw my oxygen level was only 96%. i began breathing deeper and it went up a couple percentage points. so i made a point of breathing deeply until it was at 100%. i drank the rest of the apple juice, and the nurse went over recovery info with me and my husband. i signed the form that i understood. i was supposed to call them immediately if i had any fever or bleeding or severe abdominal pain or difficulty breathing. she said there might be some spotting (from the 2 holes they poked in my vaginal wall) thats normal.

i had to hang out there for a while more until the drip IV completely drained into my body. we chatted about michael jackson and watched the news while waiting for the bag to empty into my veins. when i finally took in all of it, she took off all of the tape and removed the IV from my hand and told me i had to go pee before i could leave. so they helped me up. i made a joke about them putting vodka in my drink and i said i was fine, i was kind of clumsy and couldn't walk straight, so she didn't believe me, so she told my husband to come into the bathroom with me and i stumbled into the bathroom and i peed just fine. when i wiped i had some blood, so i grabbed a couple light pads. i didnt end up needing them, though. i got dressed into my clothes and they let us go. i wasn't allowed to drive for the rest of the day, but i could eat or drink anything i wanted now. so we went out to lunch. we got to leave by 9.

I had mild cramps all day. i didn't take another tylenol. they weren't bad. i had to walk slowly in the same way as before the donation, but this time, instead of feeling careful because i was protecting the ovum, i felt like it was just sore like i hurt myself (which i did). i felt like i had to shit the whole day. but when i tried i didn't want to push cause i was tender in my reproductive areas, so nothing came out. finally towards the end of the day i was able to go. it was all dense. probably from the fertility drugs and stuff.
and there was a spot i couldn't sit on somewhere if i slouched just right and tried to sit down, it felt tender and uncomfortable. i sat the wrong way twice. and then as soon as i repositioned myself i felt fine.

the cramps went away by the evening. and i began to forget about my healing insides. i was reading self magazine and there was a part about exercising and i decided to do a few keguls. BAD IDEA. that made my general vaj area hurt. i had totally forgotten about my surgery.

then in the evening i took my fist progesterone lozenge. it tasted bitter. like gross. and they tried to flavor it with mint, but it didn't work. i would think trying to mask the flavor with orange would go over a little better. but yeah. postage stamps taste a little bit better than the progesterone lozenges. I have to take them for 5 evenings straight to convince my body that i'm back to normal. and then i should have my period in 2 weeks exactly. and by that time, i will be healed enough for intercourse (WHOO HOO!!). i am a little terrified of getting pregnant now on accident after all those fertility hormones. so we'll be extra crazy careful.

this morning my case manager called to check up on me. now i get to fill out the reimbursements form. i bought a few amtrak tickets on my credit card. and the birth control pills i paid for. and gas getting up to appointments. and i had to put the rental car on my credit card (for insurance reasons). and the lunch we enjoyed the day of the donation. all of those things will be covered. but i have to attach receipts and all that to the reimbursements form, and mail it to them as soon as i can.

today i'm just resting. i got today covered from work. i dont think i would feel comfortable working yesterday after the surgery, but i could have worked today just fine. i'm going to work tomorrow.

2nd ultrasound and trigger shot!

got up waaaaay too early and drove to my 2nd ultrasound appointment sunday morning.
i saw a different doctor this time. she was really really friendly and sweet. we looked at my ovaries with the ultrasound machine, and she counted 7 or 8 on my right, 6 on my left. with the largest egg follicles at 20 millimeters. i had been experiencing spinnbarkheit

i managed to get to work on time. it was really kinda stressful, the calendar said i wouldn't be doing the extraction until the 8th or so. but they moved me to tomorrow the 7th. i had to scramble to find somebody to cover my shifts at work because of it.

last donation i remember feeling the same stress. You really really cannot try to work during the last week. after the first ultrasound, expect to take off work for a week or so just in case the calendar gets changed around.

so the doctor said my eggs were developed and ready to come out, so i no longer had to take the follicle stimulating hormones. the eggs are as big as they need to be. but after the ultrasound they gave me an instruction sheet for the trigger shot! I had to give myself the shot at 7:30 pm that day... and I worked until 8pm. so i had to go home and get the medication. the trigger shot was big, but didn't hurt because it was in the upper butt muscle, and that skin is really thick. 

its HCG. the same stuff pregnant women make. so i bought a pregnancy test to try it out. the nurse said it would say i was pregnant. so i did it for shits and giggles. (see picture). maybe i'll try to fool some of my relatives...

the medication was in powder form. came with a vial of the powder and a vial of water. and i took out 2 cc of liquid and mixed it with the powder. mixed it well (without shaking) and with a different smaller needle, drew out 1 cc of the med. 1/2 dose, they prescribed. (cc is a ml). it was gross, though, as i was pushing the needle into my skin i could tell when it tore through the muscle layer because it seemed to crunch through a little. then i pushed the plunger and the first bit of medication hurt a little, and i felt a rush of adrenaline, because i forgot to pull back on the plunger first, you're supposed to do that in case you hit a vein. so i pulled back and there was no blood, so i pushed the rest into the muscle. the rest didn't hurt. and it hardly bled once i took out the needle. then i massaged my butt like they told me to.

i feel bloated. especially when i have to pee. and since the trigger shot, my nipples and general vulva area feels really sensitive... not in a good way.

wow i'm tired. barely got any sleep. stayed up too late. and then got up too late. its been like that for the past few days. i have a bad habit of staying up late when i feel exhausted.

and now my right butt muscle feels a little sore.

they made a hotel reservation for me in l.a. so i dont have to drive up there tomorrow morning. i already picked up the rental car. i'm excited. 

1st ultrasound

today's ultrasound was a little disappointing. i didn't want to get up so early, but i dragged myself out of bed and took a train to a subway to a bus that smelled like mold and dryer sheets. and then like air conditioning. on that bus i finished a book by philip k. dick called the man in the high castle.

arrived at the doctors office. read 1/2 a pregnancy magazine. got called into an ultrasound room i hadn't been inside of, had more natural light than the other one. and a smaller maybe older ultrasound machine. and the mobile hanging from the ceiling was of a bunch of monkeys. and a banana tree. they danced around in circles and one monkey would crash into the tree occasionally. a fault in the design. i sat for what felt like maybe 5 minutes. then the door opened and the doctor seemed rushed as he turned on the light and then turned off the light (as if he forgot what we were doing with me) then grabbed the gloves and sat down, and as soon as the ultrasound wand went in he saw my bladder and said something about how full it was. i apologized, and then nurse laughed.

he counted 6 follicles on my right and 6 or 7 on my left. the largest of both sides being at 11 millimeters. he said i am to change my 2nd ultrasound appointment to sunday instead of monday. that i had to do an ultrasound with another doctor (the one who is there on sundays). he didn't take any pictures for my folder like he did last time. i dont even think the ultrasound machine had an option to print. he rushed out of the room leaving the door open for the nurse to exit, and she told me to meet her outside for scheduling.

i felt a little like i had somehow disappointed them. like my follicles weren't doing what they should have. and i felt a little bummed because now i'd have to borrow a car and drive up to my next appointment, because the train doesn't run any earlier and my appointment time is 8 in the morning. and i hate driving. and also i had asked for monday off work for my 2nd ultrasound and now the date was changed to sunday, and i have to work sunday, so i need to figure that out. and then i'll have a monday off with no reason.

and then its always awkward with a new doctor. i like my current fertility doctor. i trust him and i feel respected and comfortable. now i have to let a stranger look at my eggs? gross. and then i have to get up a couple hours earlier.

and then i realized that i am actually meeting their expectations because i'm developing the follicles faster than anticipated. so i might be ready sooner than the calendar. so i'm doing better than they expected me to. as long as i dont over stimulate, i'll be done with this maybe a day earlier than i thought i would.

just did the shots. menopur in the belly fat. follistim in the upper thigh. lupron in the outer thigh. with the lupron in the insulin syringe i had a little trouble getting the plunger to push down smoothly. it went quickly and jerkily. if that makes sense. so that was uncomfortable. i injected the menopur faster than i usually do. i dont think it matters really how quickly you inject the medication. i allowed the medications to come to room temperature.

kinda sick of shots

shots shots shots. did my shots yesterday and then went out to a show. i've been drinking soda at bars. ginger ale mostly.

tired at work around siesta time.

tonight's shots bled a little. i have several purplish bluish marks along my outer thigh. and i think even a couple spider veins that weren't there before? i'm not sure. i have sausage looking legs for sure. i'm really pale there. looks gross.
and then the menopur bruises make it look like i was hit with a pole in my belly.

i feel a fullness in the ovaries. all day yesterday i felt a bunch of 'action' like gas but it was movement in either ovary. i'd feel something on my left and then something on my right. they're getting swollen. i remember this strange feeling from last donation. i've never felt this sensation any other way. its like a protective, bloated, pressure, full ovary feeling. even walking home from work, with careless heavy steps, i slowed my pace, because the jolt of the ground and my feet were too much force for my comfort. not painful, but cautious and protective. i dont want to jump or dance or do anything that requires sudden movements.

they dont want me exercising either. theres a lot of liquid collecting around the eggs in my ovaries.

my first ultrasound is tomorrow.

shots update

i've done 2 days worth of shots. 3 shots yesterday, 3 shots the day before. i'll do 3 tonight after work. i felt kinda fatigued midday at work yesterday. no other reason i could think of but the menopur and follistim. so that might be a side effect.

the shots themselves werent that bad. the follistim pen is painless, and mine works this time, so i dont have to struggle with turning down the dial. i'll post some pictures tonight...

the menopur is the one that goes in my belly fat. its a lot of medication. .5 units with 75IU of medication. my calendar says to inject 75iu of menopur. it was confusing last time because i thought i was supposed to inject 7.5 U? or 75u?, the needle they give isn't big enough for that amount of liquid. but what they mean is ONE vial of medication mixed with .5 units of water. theres two vials and a 'q-cap' to get the water into the vial to activate the medication. .5 units is still a lot. its a relatively thin syringe, but its like injecting the liquid area of half a pixie stick into your belly.

the first day i felt a strange rush after injecting the medication. but it didn't happen the second day, so i'm gonna call that an adrenaline rush.

menopur kinda stings. its not the needle as much as the amount of medication you have to push around your body to fit. does that make sense? i remember last donation i experimented with things like putting an ice pack on my belly before the shot. i think that helps, but the stinging isn't so bad so i dont really care this time. the box says that the medication is best injected at room temperature for minimal discomfort. so i prepare that one first. i'll post a video tonight i guess of the injections. i dont have any pictures or anything yet this donation. my muscles feel a little sore. i might have slept wrong.

by contract i cant do any strenuous exercise now, so i'm going to walk to work instead of biking up those hills.

lupron 12

i spoke too soon when i said there was no soreness yesterday. about an hour after last night's shot, that spot felt extremely sore. I wonder what happened that made that shot so different. I injected the lupron high up on my outer thigh, where i pinched a few inches of fat to inject. maybe i was wrong about the theory that the more fat you have, the more painless the injection.

also I dont think i released the pinch while i pushed down the plunger. that might have been a factor. maybe the skin was squeezed too densely to make room for a bubble of medication? or maybe the surface area being stronger might have made a difference. The needle itself didn't feel like anything going in, pushing the medication into the skin was difficult and a little painful. like there was a lot more resistance than usual. I think the key to an easy injection is to remember that after you pinch the skin and pierce it with the needle, you need to loosen your pinch grip in order to allow the skin to make room for the bubble of medication? thats a theory.

tonights shot was easy. i chose a spot about midway between the knee and hip on the outer thigh. it think thats a good spot. not too high or too low. i didnt poke the skin as fast as i wanted, but the needle still pierced quickly and painlessly. i slid my fingers up the syringe to the plunger without wiggling the needle. i think i'm getting better at that part. then tried a slow but steady pressure pushing the plunger down, forcing the lupron into my body. that part wasn't painful this time. i found that when i stopped pinching after beginning to push the plunger, it was easier. there was no blood.

the injection site itches a bit now.

side effects? dont think so. i feel normal. a little tired, but i got up at 7 and its 930. and the day before i went to bed really late. so i think its okay for me to feel tired. i've been eating a normal amount of food. my bowls have been normal. my energy level during the day felt average. so no side effects to report at this time.

lupron 11

i got a call this morning (a little too early this morning) that my estradiol levels are now low enough to begin with the follicle stimulating hormones. I will begin those on saturday.

no side effects to report. i feel normal. a bit of spotting today.

today's shot (15 U) didn't hurt going in, but pushing in the medication hurt a little, and then when i took the needle out it bleed a bit. like a drop that hung a centimeter down. i put a bandage on it. i noticed that a few dime sized bruises have formed down my outer thighs from the previous injections. no noticeable soreness. I think the more fat you can pinch the better. like when i inject in a place that has 3 inches of fat when pinched, the needle goes in really easily. like cutting butter. easy and clean and painless. i think when you have less fat like around an inch pinched, the surface area of the skin isn't as tight, so the needle doesn't cut in as cleanly. or thats my theory anyway.

I requested an expenses reimbursement form from the agency. I bought the birth control pills and the first train ticket with my credit card. I saved the receipts for the bus tickets too. that stuff is all refundable as donor expenses. Last donation it was hard to keep track of. so this time i want to start early.

estradiol level check / FDA bloodwork

todays appointment was quick. I arrived early, like an hour and a half early. i brought a book. took public transit, so i wasn't sure how much time to give myself. you never know...
I checked in, and sat down. the fertility doctor's office has free tea and i had just opened a tea bag and dropped it in my cup of hot water when my name was called. Went to the back. some nurse asked me if i had gotten my period, and then took out 6 test tubes for blood. I got my period, but it was so light, it was more like spotting. she said the Zovia is to blame for that. They would need to take the estradiol level check just to make sure that my estrogen levels were low enough to begin the follicle stimulating hormones.

she put the giant rubber band on my arm and tied the knot and cleaned my arm for the needle. i've got a really big vein there, so thats never a problem. then the phone rang, and she got up and left me there with the tourniquet and my forearm slowly swelling red as i stared at the 6 vials. that was just a little uncomfortable. when she came back, the blood drawing needle hurt more than any of my shots. usually i like to watch the needle go in - but i was pretty over it. so i didn't even look.

she took blood for the estradiol level check, then she filled the rest of the tubes for FDA blood work. By law, any tissue donors have to get hardcore disease and STD screened before the transfer of tissues. so i got an aids test and a bunch of other tests. the nurse was kind of rough with the needle removal. she pulled the knot for the tourniquet and set that down, then just kinda yanked out the needle while pressing the cotton pad. that hurt. I was kinda shocked. i hope i dont have a blood blister there tomorrow. i've had those before, where the nurse is too rough and cuts through the other side of the vein or whatever. OWW!

then they put me in a room and told me to take off my pants, and i sat there with the loud pink paper drape with my butt on the edge of the table staring at the ultrasound machine. they keep the lights down low in the pelvic exam rooms. its calming. i sat there for maybe 5 minutes, cause the doctor was doing a "transfer" then he knocked, came in with a nurse. opened me up, muttered a polite, "sorry" as he did so.

(Every time im there for a pelvic exam he says sorry before inserting a speculum or an ultrasound wand. he must say sorry a dozen times every day. its kinda funny. the way he apologizes for his job? and then i got to wonder how working with vaginas and ovaries all day every day might affect his love life in a negative way. might be hard to sexualize something as boring as the reproductive system, as a fertility specialist. that is, of corse, assuming he doesn't have a husband at home. or maybe he's not married at all. i dont know. but those thoughts ran through my head while my feet were in stirrups and my va-jay-jay was lit up under the pink paper cover and the pretty nurse holding the clipboard was checking her beautifully manicured nails and i stared up at the creepy wire mobile hanging from the ceiling. it did a good job of distracting me. swaying little metal ballerinas into circles beneath the air conditioning vent)
he took 2 long q-tips to do the chlamydia and gonorrhea tests, with accuracy and the gentle touch of a man who pokes cervical holes with q-tips all day long. that strange sensation, of something touching the inside of the cervix... sometimes it can be uncomfortable and crampy. i've had pap smears that hurt. today was just a strange awareness of a mild pressure. lasted a second. then he handed the long q-tip back to the nurse who put it into a tube with some sort of liquid. the whole process took about 15-20 seconds. and then i was alone in the dimly lit room again with my pants to put back on.

they said i was done, and they will call me with the results to see if i can begin the follistim and menopur as planned. by the time i got back to my tea, the temperature was perfect to drink, but it was a little bit too strong.

i hate walking around in public with the band aid and the cotton ball on my arm. everybody knows you got blood drawn or something gross and medical. i saw peoples eyes look at my arm the entire way home. they probably just assumed it was an AIDS test. I always assume that. lots of interesting and beautiful people on the bus. mostly the tired working class. sometimes babies under blankets. i was staring at babies all day today. thats what i'm giving this guy. a baby. crazy.

so the lupron shots are going to be the same until i start the follistim and menopur. then the amount of lupron will lessen. but tonights shot is the same. No side effects to report. i feel fine and dandy.

"medication start" check

came in the mail yesterday. $750. the next check will be after the first ultrasound.

i was reading my last donation blog at this time in the donation, the shot locations were kinda turning red and bumping up funny like a mosquito bite. i haven't have that happen for this donation. probably because i'm better at giving myself the shots quickly and accurately for the least amount of irritation. like holding the needle still when its in the skin and not wiggling it around on accident while you re-adjust the way you hold the syringe to push the plunger. that movement, in between the poke and the push, can wiggle the needle around under the skin. and that can cause discomfort or irritation.

also at this time during the last egg donation, my breast had already swollen up and deflated and swollen up again. i'm not getting any breast change action this time around. The birth control they had me on last time was to blame. i kinda liked femcon fe better than zovia. this zovia stuff makes me crampy and then i dont bleed at all. i like to have a strong regular cycle. i feel healthier that way
this time also seems to be a lot easier. it feels like its happening quicker too. 'cause i know what to expect

Lupron #8 today

update for the past week:

Day 3 on lupron felt really funny for me. I woke up and drank a bottle of kombucha (fermented probiotic tea) with breakfast went to work. and felt funny at work. not sure if the kombucha tea was to blame. but i decided to write down some words about how i felt: disassociated, detached, faint, unaware, physically tense, mentally relaxed, crampy, premenstrual, like i'm not breathing deep enough.
the eczema (dry skin) on my fingers bothered me that night. and my chest began to itch too. I think i was having some sort of reaction.
it wasn't alarming to me. and it went away after that day.
I dont remember that happening during last donation. maybe i had an intense testosterone surge then. or maybe it was the crazy fermented tea. or a general lupron reaction. probably the latter.

shots 4-8 went fine. and 5 days later, i feel fine and theres no sign of the eczema or freaky feelings.

i've been alternating from right outer thigh to left outer thigh for the shots. theres no soreness. it hasn't affected my social life too much. i went to a show and brought the lupron in a refrigerated lunchbox, and excused myself from a conversation at the party to give myself the injection in private. i find the shots sometimes make my skin itch a bit near the injection site just afterwards. i think its because i dont wait for the alcohol to dry completely.

I was having menstrual cramps earlier in the week. and i remembered that i would normally have been on my period then. but they delayed my period one week. i had my last birth control pill on the 19th. and began spotting yesterday. my period was expected today, and it started. I still have to do daily 15U of lupron until the end of the week, when it will lower to 10U and then i'll start the follicle stimulating hormones. my estradiol level appointment is in a couple days. i'll update again then.

Lupron #2

so today has been kinda a weird day.
not sure what parts are side effects and what parts are just situational...

i got to go out to eat at my old favorite restaurant. had my favorite dish on the menu: a monster burrito with ranchero sauce and cole slaw and avocado. it was amazing. i used to go there all the time, but now its only once every few months if that. but it was really tasty and heavy. i couldn't finish it all.

came home. finished the leftovers. about an hour later i felt kinda nauseous and then had a terrible stomach ache that i just wanted to lay in bed until it went away. eventually i fell asleep and when i awoke from my nap the stomach ache was gone. so that sucked.

I was thinking about the Lupron side effects sheet and how it says things like: nausea, stomach cramps, ..., every possible ailment you could have apparently lupron causes it. but who knows why i had a stomach ache. could have been from all the acidity in my belly from the protein-rich lunch.

and then i noticed eczema on one of my fingers. i had eczema once, in 2003, went to the doctor they gave me a cream to keep it from itching. its a dry skin condition that can flare up when the immune system is weak, or when you dont eat enough fruit or when you're stressed out or whatever. It went away after 2003 and i haven't had it since. and this morning it came back.
its no big thing. you wouldn't be able to tell - you can barely see anything. but i know what it looks like and it felt a little itchy so i looked at it. on the lupron side effects sheet dry skin disorders was listed. along with crazy stuff like carcinoma of the skin/ear, and major fetal abnormalities.

then i managed to pick a fight with my husband, and i got emotional. then i thought about the testosterone surge i was expecting, and i wonder if that played a role? i dont think the testosterone surge would have even happened yet...

i'm going to go ahead and blame anything that happens to me for the next 2 weeks on Lupron

i also wonder how much my previous donation will affect any problems and side effects i might have with this donation. am i more likely to have problems? I think so... but i'm trying not to convince myself of that. i am a strong believer in the power of the mind to invent things physically that you expect to happen.

today's lupron shot itself was painless. it itched a little afterwards. i did the shot in my other thigh tonight. i'm going to switch back and forth in some sort of rotation. yesterday's shot location feels fine. took my zovia pill. the whole process of shot-giving and pill-popping took about 1 minute.

i'm keeping the lupron cold when i shoot it. i wonder how much this adds to the itchiness? i'm going to have to look up what i wrote about during last donation's shots (they're on this blog from last year). it has been a while and i haven't really learned from my mistakes.

first lupron shot

i'm still on birth control pills. i think zovia causes mild cramps. those are the only side effects to report. mild cramping from the stupid birth control pills they've had me on for months. this is the 3rd pack of pills i'm working on. though they had me start a new pack of pills before i was even done with the other. probably to sync me up with the surrogate.

tonight was my first lupron shot: 15 U. the shot took a few minutes to prepare. just had to take the vial of lupron out of the fridge, get alcohol prep pads and the needle. pop the top of the lupron vial, wipe it with alcohol. wipe my outer thigh with alcohol. wait for them to dry. measure 15 U in the syringe, put the needle in the lupron vial, push in the plunger (putting 15 U of air in the lupron vial) then pulling out 15 U of lupron. making sure the vial is upright before pulling the needle out. then pinched the fat, stuck it with the tiny needle, pushed in the plunger slowly, then counted out a long 5 seconds. then slowly releasing the pinch, i pulled out the syringe. no blood at first. then half a minute later a tiny red dot.
easy.

my roommate almost passed out watching me. that was funny.

so this lupron stuff is crazy. it pulls increases calcium levels in the blood and reportedly creates 'bone pain'. i assume thats because it takes calcium from the osteoblasts in the bones more than they're used to? so i'm eating a lot of calcium. i got some calcium carbonate i've been mixing into everything i eat.

also i'm going to have a surge in testosterone for the first few days because of the lupron. i remember from my last donation feeling really energetic and happy, and i remember forgetting to eat. so i'm going to try to be mindful to eat a balanced diet even if im not hungry. cause thats just a side effect.

calendars

So i'm still taking the birth control pills. i had my period and they started me on a new pack, then figured out a calendar - the plan, pretty much.

so i'm going to begin injecting lupron on the 15th of june. i take my last birth control pill on the 19th. on the 22nd i should expect a period. then i go in for my first lab appointment to do the FDA required tissue donation paperwork and check my estradiol levels. on the 27th, assuming everything looks normal, i'll begin injecting follistim and menopur as well as lupron. that goes for 5 days, then i have my first ultrasound on july 2nd. depending on how that looks, they may adjust my hormonal injections, and then i have another ultrasound on the 6th. and if the eggs look ripe and mature, my extraction date (depending on how the ultrasounds looks) will be on july 8th or 9th or 10th. so thats the official plan. my fertility doctor sent the prescription for the follicle stimulating hormones to the pharmacy and told me to call them. i called and left a message. last donation, they sent all the drugs in a refrigerated styrofoam box and scheduled a time for the delivery. i should try to call them again.

now the part i have to worry about, is making sure my workplace remembers to give me time off. last time it was really stressful for me to cover my shifts. somebody needs to go with me to the extraction surgery. so i need to make sure my husband can get time off work too. or somebody else.

I spoke with my family lawyer guy, he read the egg donor contract to me (and my husband) over speakerphone, and the next step is for me to mail the signed printed out copies of the contract back to his office. I'm still waiting for the final contract to get emailed to me.

at this point i only have 11 days until i begin starting injections. this is gonna sneak up on me fast. i've been really good about taking my vitamins and stuff. i gotta start calling my friends in L.A. now that i know what dates i'll be there. make some post appointment plans.

we are now entering the alcohol free and abstinence only phase. so i gotta transition my mind to straight-edge mentality and channel my sexual energy into more productive things.

i've been making long term plans about the money. this time around, the compensation is $10,000.00. last time it was $8,000.00 and i managed to blow it all on really fancy stuff, like this nice laptop and expensive digital design software and necessary dental work and car stuff and debt relief and a bunch of little things that, in retrospect, i think i would have been better off if i hadn't spent it so fast. 10,000 seems like a lot more money, but its not really. i could have saved that 8,000, and saved up a couple thousand on my own, and by now i'd have 20,000 with the 2 donations. I'm thinking about bigger things, like a down payment on a house. so for this donation, i'm cashing the check into my savings and just adding to it until i find a house i like enough to buy. mortgage payments are cheaper than rent. its almost tempting to donate eggs several more times just for the money for a house down payment. my case coordinator already told me that after this donation, i would likely get chosen again and again and again. but would i want to? i wanna have my own kids, and not quadruplets. i also worry about my own reproductive health, taking hormones and all. i'm not entirely convinced multiple donations are a healthy idea for my ovaries or cervix. another thing, i wonder if i'm going to go through menopause earlier in life, because of the overstimulation of my ovum? after the last donation i felt the sensation i was ovulating more than usual. could have just been the healing.
hmm.

medical clearance

my test results came back. everything looks good and i'm cleared to go. next stepl would be to make calendars to figure out where i am at my cycle compared to the surrogate. but first -

i have to wait for the family law attorney to send me the egg donor contract, so i can have him read it to me over the phone, and then i'll sign and mail it back.

no major problems to report with the zovia birth control pills they have me on. i felt some mild cramping, throughout the past 3 weeks. not usual for me. probably the stupid pill.

they say i should be all done with this donation by the end of june or mid july.

medical re-screening

i waited in the fertility office for a good half hour. they were really busy. i got to read a few conceive magazines. see some pregnant belly fashion.

they finally called me and i went to the nurses station. they took 2 tubes of blood for STD infection check (way better than the gallon of blood they took last time), they had me pee in a cup. then i went into the ultrasound exam room. The fertility doctor came in, took a pap, put the pap q-tip thing into a tube his assistant was holding. the doctor took 3 ultrasound pictures. made a comment about how he was looking for cysts, and that my right ovary looked good (?) then he asked about my cycle, i was on day 3, so he prescribed me some birth control pills zovia. they changed from femcon fe to zovia because too many donors complained about breakthrough bleeding while on femcon fe.
they told me to start taking zovia that day. they said to stay on the pills until further notice. they had to check and see if i can proceed with the donation.

i'm on my 2nd day on zovia. they're not chewable and they dont taste like mint. so i dont like them.

I wanted to ask the doctor to review my healing process from the last donation. i'm emailing him my questions. i specifically wanted him to look at my menstrual cycles since the donation. they were all over the place. and now they're back to normal, and i'm about to mess them all up again. i also had the feeling often after the last donation, that i was ovulating more than once a month. it just felt like that. and after the second month after donation, i tried to put the nuva ring in, but i got sick to my stomach, so i had to take it out. i'll email him all my concerns.

i've been contacted by the reproductive lawyer. he's going to schedule an over the phone read of the egg donor contract. I'm going to have him draw up 2 contracts this time. one for me, and one for my husband to waive his right to the future child.

apparently in california theres a law that any child born into a marriage is automatically the husband's child. and that law would apply in egg donation, because its my DNA. and in california, husbands own the children of their wives DNA. kinda messed up if you ask me. Last donor contract, the lawyer wanted both my and my husband's signature on each page of my donor contract. this time i wont do that.

psychological evaluation

it was over the phone this time. the psychologist lady asked me how i felt about the previous donation, and how my life was going, and all that. she said i'm now cleared. next step is medical screening. playing phone tag with the case manager. will schedule medical screening as soon as i get ahold of her.

its not a couple

the intended father is a single gay man! YES! finally.

i wonder who will be carrying his baby?

confirmation

i got a call that my selection has been confirmed today. i dont know who the infertile couple is yet, my file is being transferred to a case manager who will work out the details of scheduling screenings for me. blood work and all that. i'm guessing i'll get a bunch of blood drawn again. probably the same thing as last time. i have to tell my work i'll be needing time off.

i hope the donation happens soon. i'd rather do it before work gets really busy because of summer.

round 2?

i had a false alarm last month. somebody was looking at my profile but decided not to chose me. probably because of the goofy faces i made on the interview video. HA. i'm so embarrassed about that. i guess it would be a pain to rerecord that stuff. its hard enough updating my pictures with the agency.

but i think somebody is really choosing me this time. i got a call from my former case manager, she asked my availability and all that. she said that they're going to reassign me with another case manager for the infertile couple. i really hope they're gay.

its funny 'cause i was just recently thinking that maybe i wouldn't donate again. my husband and I want to have kids sometime before i'm in my 30s or definitely by mid 30s (i'm 26), and i was thinking about doing that within the next few years? and it takes a good 6 months for the cycle to get back to normal, and i wouldn't even want to try to conceive just after all those fertility drugs, so i'd want to wait a couple years. i dont want to be an older parent. the risks for baby and mama go way up after 35. i guess in the end if i ended up unable to have kids, we'd just adopt.

and then i was thinking - maybe i'll get back on chemical birth control (the pre-natal kind) now that my cycle is totally normal and predictable again - and then the egg donor agency called me to tell me a couple wanted my eggs. so that made up my mind. i love planned parents.

should i keep the second donation on this blog? or should i start a new one? i'm thinking i should add the second donation to this blog and just change the name to Egg donor, or something.

its crazy. kid #1 is still in utero. i hope someday he/she meets me. that would be neat. unlikely, cause they live out of the country, AND they wanted an anonymous donor.

i've been thinking a lot about Margaret Atwood's novel "The Handmaid's Tail" its about the future, when the feminist movement takes a nosedive and women are used for making babies for the infertile elite. except they're more like slaves, and they dont get paid. i'm going to read that again. I also want to read that book by that insane woman who donated too many times. 'memoirs of an egg donor?" or something? its not at the library. i'm not going to buy any books about some crazy gold digger egg donor. but i do want to read it.

14, 7, 1 result

turns out they retrieved 14 eggs. out of the 14 they fertilized 7 of them.
so they made 7 embryos. and the surrogate mother is pregnant now. i'm totally fertile. sweet.